OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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