Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
