Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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