she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
