Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
