party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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