I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
