There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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