Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We are two peas in an std pod
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
