So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
