last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
