Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
