"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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