My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
