Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm really busy with my period
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