i just google imaged poop.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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