I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
