It's Friday. Sex?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
