Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
