I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
