I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
