I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
