then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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