I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
