thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
