Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
