this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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