i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
