We named our party play list daddy issues
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
