when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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