wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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