Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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