Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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