3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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