what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
