Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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