You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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