dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Alive.
So much puke
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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