god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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