..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
