Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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