Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
