Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
