she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
