Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
