I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
