Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
