you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
