We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
