its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
