vagina is talking i cant
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
