The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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