I think I died a long time ago.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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