I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
