i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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