i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
