Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
