i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
