Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
