I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
